Changes

What a night. This isn't exactly the Tupac version of the song. I actually went out tonight after feeling pretty bummed all day long. I have felt pretty bad lately. I've been down in the dumps a lot. I have loads of work to do, and I don't have a lot of time to myself. It also really sucks that the time I do have is spent alone. I think a lot of it gets back to the fact that I haven't had time to stay active lately. I really want to get back into excercising regularly. I feel so much better when I make a habit of it. Well, the old phrase "I can change" is one that I have heard a lot in my life. I heard it growing up from various abusive stepdads and all that. I've heard it on tv, and it's infamous for being a statement that a person who really is inable or unwilling to change makes just to keep whoever it is in their lives deceived. Well, I won't go as far as to make some statement like that for myself, but progress has been established. It has been established in my life recently by the academic success to some extent. However, I have wanted it to stretch into other parts of my life. Spiritually, morally, whatever you want to call it, I haven't exactly been the role model of lately. I've been known to swear a lot, drink, and various other things that most people look down on from their lofty perches. I must admit that when I was younger, in high school, I was a very moral person. Now, I was also a bible thumper, and that part of my life I have grown to dislike. Honestly, I feel that if God is your only motivation in life then there is something seriously lacking in your life. I was like that for a time. While I was narrowminded and foolish, I was very moral and good natured. This part of me tended to disappear when I became more aware of who I was in life. I tended to be more outgoing, and thus more prone to stumble around the typical moral roadblocks of life. I've missed that moral David. I wasn't entirely sure that I'd ever see him again. Tonight, though, he visited me. I went to a bar called Buffalo's downtown with some of my MIS friends. I really wasn't in the mood to go to be perfectly honest as I have been in quite the foul mood lately. I did though, and I was drinking (keep your eyes on your own perches people) and having fun with my friends. We went upstairs to dance, and I met this girl named Christina. Now, while I admit that I haven't felt quite appealing to the opposite sex lately, she was drawn to me for some reason. She was the cutest thing that I've seen in a long time. Those who know me recognize my type, and she personified it. Short, dark hair, olive complexion, the whole nine yards - she fit the bill. I was enamoured from the moment she asked me to dance. Yes, she asked me. What made it even more sweet was the fact that Milton, yes "Cock Block" as he is known among my friends, was hitting on her and tried to dance with her. He succeeded, for about five seconds. Literally. Then she came back, and sat next to me. We talked, and then we danced. Eventually, my friends wanted to leave the bar, so I invited her to go with us. During the course of the evening, she told me that she was married. WHAM! There's always a catch to women that like me. I don't know why. I don't know if I'm cursed or what the hell it is about it. It just turns out that way. I didn't choose life to be like that. It just is like that. So, we went to Boo Radley's just the two of us. We eventually wound up walking back to her car, and I had a choice to make. I'm David, and she was my Bethsheba. She was sent by God to tempt me into adultery. I, however, declined. Like I said, he came to visit me. It is not often that I get an opportunity with a woman of such beauty. Honestly, I'm very proud of myself. The decision I made I have been thinking about all evening. I'm very glad to see that somewhere inside me there is something wholesome, honest, and good. I gave my word that I would take care of her to one of her friends before we left Buffalo's, and despite my friends leaving me to go to Katie's apartment, I kept my word. Grandaddy, there is still some of you within me yet. I found it tonight. So, whether it be karma, sowing what I reap, or whatever you want to call it... I'm laying down an example. I'm not challenging the man upstairs, I'm just making an observation. I think, for the first time in a long time, that I am getting ripped from groin to sternum and am being shown what I'm made out of which I like. So, I hope it doesn't go unnoticed. It didn't by me anyway. They don't come very often do they? It's probably why they go unnoticed. Funny thing, changes.

She Will Be Loved

Cool weekend this weekend. I won't exactly divulge all of my activities, but it's Marina's birthday today. So the weekend is very interesting as I strive away from Tuscaloosa. I think the world of her, and it's a real shame that we can't be geographically closer. It's always great to have someone to be close to though. Well, school is going pretty well. I've been fortunate enough to not get hammered for my procrastination. I've worked, but not as hard as last semester. I finally got my place cleaned after last weekend. I had fun with Daniel and Nathan. Dan got to meet a lot of my comrades in arms that fight it out with me in MIS. He also got to meet DHale, who went out with us to Buffalo Phil's. It was good times. It's going to be busy this weekend. I have project work to do in 330, and then there is this whole get away thing that I have to deal with at the same time. I've got a lot on my plate this semester, and internships are not far away at all now. In March, the opportunity might just present itself. I've submitted my resume for a position with Bank of America, but I'm really just doing that in case others fall through. We'll see. Anyway, life is going ok. I've got work to do, but other than that it's all good in the hood. I'll be taking another trip next weekend probably. I plan to attend Will Hoge with Daniel, but the fam is wanting me to come visit too. I'll see what happens. Well, not much worth telling, just thought I'd put something in today. I've missed Marina very much, and it's great to be able to see her again. I think that she's been really lonely since I haven't been able to call a lot and she hasn't seen me since August. Little does she know it, but she will be loved.

Vampires In Love

Well, what a new year. I could backtrack on all the news, but I just feel like giving the rundown. I accomplished my feat of immaculate grades. I posted them on my parents' refrigerators to make a point. No sense in bragging that I was right to go through with waiting for the proper time to get a perfect GPA, not when you have evidence that prints it out in front of their noses. It was a great semester. It was hard, but it was really great. I had a good holiday season. My time in Huntsville was enjoyable. I got to hang out with Ben, Daniel, Michael, and Zack. Not as much as I would have like to hang out with Zack, but it was still cool nonetheless. I went up to Nashville for New Year's, and I had fun. Daniel and Ben accompanied me, and I think we all three had a pretty enjoyable time there. I was given a hint today that a certain young lady is interested in me from that trip, but I can't reciprocate the interest. I don't know why. She's a nice girl, but I feel that she's just enjoying the moment shall we say. Beyond that, it's just not there. Last year was a banner year for me. I proved to myself that I'm ready to move on and do something tremendous in this life, and I'm going to do it without giving two shits about what other people think of what I'm doing. For a long time, I just gave baseless excuses why I was sticking around this place, but now I know why I'm here and I'll gladly tell anyone who wants to know. I have grown past caring about how other people think that I should live my life. That's a good feeling. I'm going to pull one of my favorite quotes out of the bag. I really feel like this quote is so me, and I think it goes for last year and the path in life in general that I'm carving for myself. "History will be very kind to me, for I intend to write it." -Winston Churchill. So, back from the reflection to the present. So, this time of year I always think about one person in particular. Her birthday is on the 7th. She's the only woman I've ever really deeply loved, and I never really came out and told her that. It's been a very long time since I've seen her, and to tell the truth I think of her every day. It's not normal. It sounds sappy I guess, but it's the truth. I've been thinking of writing her a letter. I recently found out that she returned from Iraq. I've never quite been at peace with the way that I left things between us, and if for nothing else I may just write to her for my own piece of mind. So, it's back at it again tomorrow. I have a feeling that this semester will be even more brutal than the last, and I'm pretty certain that this semester will be the most difficult of my collegiate career. It's on like Donkey Kong beatch! So internship interviews will be held soon enough, and I'm sure that while I might not have time to write often, I'll have plenty of content to write about. This year I plan to get other parts of my life in order. My love life is one of those, and its' about time that I got around to facing the demons and give someone a chance. That's my resolution. The years are starting to pass by very fast these days. So I wish that all of you that read my posts will have a life as fulfilling as mine has been. We've all had our ups and downs, but your mine... for a post. Twenty six years... don't they go by in a blink. Have a very good new year everyone, and know that my thoughts are with you all. Especially so late on a night that I'm pining for the one that got away. And I'm wide awake, and you're wide awake, and I don't think that I'm getting tired at all.