dj's blog

Just Like a Star

2007-10-05T09:50:00.001-05:00

So I'm in the middle of re-writes. Not a boat load of fun, but a challenge sure enough. Lately the challenge has been finding the time to actually get some writing done. Work is always super busy this time of year, and I think that I might have a better opportunity to finish the book up in the spring. It is something that I will just have to dedicate myself to for a while.

One thing that has been really fun about the re-writes is building the back stories. Character building was hard enough to start with, but to make your readers fall completely in love with the characters is a real challenge. The cool part is that I read enough to know when I can really be in touch with the reader. I know when something I write starts to suck, and then I have to change it up. Otherwise called a re-write.

So a big part of what I have done is take the story line which went from death, back to youth, and straight lined the whole life story and shattered it a bit. We jump from death to young adult, childhood, and elderly Ethan Huckins. It breaks up the story much better, makes it easier to drop clues or throw the reader off the trail, and I think makes the story much more fascinating. Plus, it gave me really good opportunities to build the characters in Ethan's life. Particularly one of them.

So, there's the progress on the book. Life has been busy lately. The house is coming together nicely, and I have had a chance to meet a lot of new people recently. That has been a good and bad thing, but all in all a good thing I guess. Other than working, writing, and going to the gym, I do not have a lot going on these days. I tend to be a little homesick for Alabama some days. I realize that I really like where I live though. Alpharetta is a nice place to hang your hat.

On another note, I am going back to T-town for homecoming this weekend. That should be a lot of fun. I think that I will get to catch up with some classmates that I haven't seen in quite a while, and mom is even making the trip down to go with me. Should be good times.

You know, I think a lot about the times I used to sit up on the roof of my childhood home and stare at the stars on a cool night this time of year. I always did like gazing at them. Staring up at the stars is like taking in something that happened millions of years ago. It's an incredible thing. So is writing. I think that a published work gets to live on through the generations. I think that it gets passed down through the ages for people far removed from the times and circumstances to look at, and that is a special thing. Just like a star.

Finding my way

2007-09-27T12:31:00.000-05:00

So, it's been a long while since my last post. I had just visited my first city away from the southeast for work. Travel is a wonderful thing sometimes. It can also be a challenge when you do it every week for long periods of time. I realize now that I have to update my blog. The links, the reading part, everything. So, I am at an interesting place in life. I feel like I went to school to prove something. I did that. I also think that I got a little too caught up in trying to be the best, so much so in fact that I am now questioning a lot of the decisions that I made post graduation. I find myself missing my family and missing my home town. A lot of things have been happening recently. I've ventured out with the roommate for some weekend adventures, but on the whole I have that 'something isn't right' feeling at the center of me. I know deep down that the winds of change are blowing, but I do not know how to go about it and it is kind of challenging. I just bought a home, which really complicates things. On that note, I really like the house. I have done a pretty good job decorating it, and it really is starting to feel like home. I guess I just have to try and focus, spend as much time searching out what I need to do in this life, and bring it all together. For too long now I have been floating while the current takes me downstream. I think it's about high time that I start swimming again.

So, here's to my first post back. I'm going to keep it up, and update the progress on the book some more. It has been an on-again, off-again thing for me, but I am going to dedicate myself to finishing it because the idea of it is great. It has really come together. So, I might not have anyone to read this except myself now, but I think this is sort of a nice outlet for me to get things off my mind and onto some space where I can observe it. So, here's to making it to tomorrow and accomplishing what I need to in order to get published.

City of my destination!

2006-08-29T21:07:00.000-05:00

Low battery, more to come soon!

My Greatest Adventure

2006-05-31T23:42:00.000-05:00

So the story goes something like this: Boy finishes high school. Boy travels to Europe. Boy contracts 'travel fever'. Boy thinks he loves, over and over. Boy does not love, nor does he know it. Boy fails to find direction. Therefore, Boy fails. Repeatedly. Boy matures, and Boy suffers the greatest loss of his life - a mentor, a teacher, a friend, a father figure, a grandfather. Boy is truly lost and in a doldrum in which Boy does not move, but instead begins to sink. Boy mourns. Life continues, and still Boy mourns. As an act of escape, Boy travels to a distant land. Alone, with no knowledge of language or customs, Boy hopes of finding himself or at least peace. Boy finds both.

That's the story of my life, and the lead up to my greatest adventure. I went to Switzerland in search of anything that would make life the more bearable. In August of 2000, My trip began in Zurich. I touched down at 7:00 am local time. I had needed to escape my surroundings, and I had not slept on the flight to the land of wonderful cheese and chocolate. I immediately began my excursion into the city, and I met a young fellow named Stephan Kupper. I toured the city with the German, and I made a good friend. After my short stay in Zurich, I saw Stephan off at the train station, and I boarded my train a few hours later. From the capital, it was off to Interlakken. While it was nice to have seen the capital, Interlakken is to this day what I think of when recalling my time there. I entered on a train into the quaint little town. During my stay, mist seemed to cover the mountains endlessly. It was the most tidy, quaint, and wonderful tucked away part of the world that I have ever experienced. There, apart from the sailing, touring, sight-seeing, and other activities, I found peace. It is a place that I can't really explain. I saw a movie called "What Dreams May Come". In that movie, Robin Williams dies and goes to his personal realm of heaven. It was a place on the Italian border with the Alps and a beautiful lake that he had been to earlier in life with his soul mate. The only comparison I have is that if I have ever received a personal glimpse of what my heaven would be like, then it is Interlakken, Switzerland.

While not wanting to go into extreme detail, I found many pictures over the course of the last few days, and I had to write about my experience there. It changed my life. My life is being changed again as I move from Tuscaloosa to Atlanta. I helped Jason Goldman move today. Among my closest friends, it was difficult to say goodbye to Jason. He has been my comrade in the trenches, voice of support, and a wonderful friend and human being to me. We have much in common, and his departure signaled the end of the era for me. This is when graduation has hit me. Kenny - gone, Ben - gone, and now Jason. It is a little scary. I have read my journal that I found among my things that I have not updated in several years. The focus of my life changed so much. From what it should have been on in the first place, my priorities and myself in general, I have become an entirely different person.

Now to be honest I am scared. I don't know what awaits me. I will be in Atlanta where I will meet colleagues and other friends, but it will not be the same. I will truly miss the people that I have become so close to while studying here. I will be alone, and that is going to be a challenge for me. I suppose I will work late and take up hobbies. I don't really know. I hope that in time, perhaps I will find another great adventure.

Leaving Town

2006-05-31T13:57:00.000-05:00

This time, for good. I will soon update my blog regularly now that MIS now longer rules the roost of my time. I am posting a college life photobucket, and I will soon have many photographs of memories that I've had here at UA as a link on my blog. I have a month to get cracking on the wrap up of my book, and I have so much work to do around the apartment before I go. It has been sad since graduation. Slowly but surely my friends have moved away - most of them anyway. Now it's my turn. There's something about leaving something that you have admired for so long. I told some of my friends that I thought it was probably a bit like child birth. You have had this thing inside of you that made you grow for so long, and now that it is out it is more rewarding than you could have imagined. It still leaves a hollow space somewhere inside though. Now I have to fill my life with new people again, and I have to move on with building a career, finding a home, and a family. It has been a wonderful experience to be here, and I hope that the rest of life is as rewarding as this has been. So long Tuscaloosa, it's been a wild ride.

A DJ Status Update: A Song About Me (Beverly Hills)

2006-03-03T18:26:00.000-06:00

Where I come from isn't all that great
My automobile is a piece of crap
My fashion sense is a little whack
And my friends are just as screwy as me

I didn't go to boarding schools
Preppy girls never looked at me
Why should they?
I ain't nobody
Got nothing in my pocket

Look at all those movie stars
They're all so beautiful and clean
When the housemaids scrub the floors
They get the spaces in between

I wanna live a life like that
I wanna be just like a king
Take my picture by the pool
'cause I'm the next big thing in

The truth is, I don't stand a chance
It's something that you're born into
And I just don't belong

No I don't
I'm just a no-class beat down fool
And I will always be that way
I might as well enjoy my life
And watch the stars play

Beverly Hills
That's where I want to be
Livin' in Beverly Hills

Chariot

2006-01-31T03:40:00.000-06:00

So, it's been about a month since my so called vacation. This major is running me ragged. I had it out with the professor in charge of the capstone, or senior year, and she has given me grief. I was called down here early, and I've been locked away ever since. I only have 102 days left though. May 13th can not get here fast enough. It's definite, the move to Atlanta is on. I'm going to go looking at apartments over there in the next week or two. (depending on if I have time to do it) I have honestly been consumed with project work. It is a quarter 'til 4 now, and I just got home from the lab. The worst part is that I have an 8 o'clock class. GBA 490, the hardest business school class. The last class that all seniors have to take as business students. It's been enjoyable though. I've learned a lot, and I really like my professor. I just can't wait to get out of here. Believe it or not, I still haven't gotten my signing bonus yet! Neither has Tyler, so I don't feel bad, but man I thought it would be a faster process than this. Anyway, I'm on the verge of passing out and thought that I would add an entry. Got class at 8, meeting at 9:15 with an executive from Cingular Wireless, taking the brother (who totaled his car this weekend) to work, capstone assignment, finance 'til six, a meeting with the lab MX and then hopefully sleep after another night full of homework until 3 or 4. I just heard the Gavin DeGraw song on the radio, and I remembered how Elijah the prophet didn't die. He was collected by a chariot of fire. Oh how I wish it would come down and save me right about now from my life. "Oh Chariot I’m singing out loud
To guide me
Give me your…
Strength "

The Times They Are A-Changin

2005-12-12T04:33:00.000-06:00

No other song speaks to me right now like that one does. Will Hoge hit the money on it. I've spoken to my family, and I think that I'm nearing a decision in regards to where I'll be going to work. This has been tough. I really like people at both companies. It really comes down to where I see myself fitting. It is going to be tough to turn down either of them. I can see a new life setting itself out in front of me. I've been on this road to self realization and improvement for so long that I really didn't think that I would reach the finish line. I will probably have no more proud moment than when I stroll across that stage in a few months. I've met so many people that I care about. I've gone through so many faces and things here. Now I'm about to move on. It's tough. I'm leaving behind a long history between me and this place, these people, this campus. I don't want to get in front of myself, but I know that nothing will be the same anymore. I will lose touch with so many people that mean so much to me now. I have very few friends like Jo, Daniel, Karen, Mark, and Michael Finley. I think that I have made some real friends here that I won't lose touch with, but I still have this deep feeling that the things in life that I haven't been ready for I am finally going to realize. A family, a career, a path, a home, hope... "And the first one now, will later be last for the times they are a-changin"

Thoughts Close to Home

2005-11-20T21:04:00.000-06:00

The other half of my dilemma rests in a somewhat familiar place: Birmingham, Alabama. I have a probable offer from a firm that I visited several months ago that I admired very much. The location of that firm I visited was not the Birmingham branch however. I feel that there is a limitation that I could be making on myself if I choose this path. Firstly, Atlanta is obviously a larger market, and I could probably have better growth potential. Secondly, I would have more local clients and that would mean much less travel than I would normally have to endure if I were in Birmingham. This company has expressed sincere flexibility in even letting me be located in Huntsville for a short time. Well, I think I've fully listed the cons except one: being close to where I've been the better part of the last decade. Then, there are the pros: Firstly, the cost of living for the Birmingham area is much less than that of the Atlanta area and yet my pay would be the same. Therefore, more money in my pocket. Secondly, I honestly like Birmingham better for a host of reasons, but most people that know me could figure those out. I would also be close to my family as my stepdad is approaching the end of his road. My mother will probably need someone around, and that would be a difficult task if stationed in Atlanta. Also, if they were to let me be stationed in Huntsville, I would have no expenses save food really. Therefore, even more money in my pocket. Even less of a life though, I'm afraid. Then there's the complicating factor of a girl in my life that is from the Birmingham area, and while I never let women affect the decision of the right thing to do with my life(romantically speaking I mean because I haven't quite encountered the one yet and I'm just getting to know this young lady well at the moment), at some point I will have to give someone a chance at it. So, this is a very complex situation, and I honestly don't know what to do. This is the single most important decision that I can make. I think that I will take the office visit to the Birmingham branch, and I'll see what I think of it then, but I could sure use some input as to what sounds right from anyone else out there in Smallville.

Thoughts of Far Away Places

2005-11-20T20:52:00.000-06:00

And so I have to consider a couple of things this semester that I wasn't quite prepared to face. I have worked very hard in school to maintain an unblemished GPA. I've also worked very hard at professional development to see to it that when it comes time to have a job, that I'll have one. Here's the rub: I have choices to make now that I have job offers. First, I'll focus on the offers that take me to far away places. I have had the option to work as an investment banker in North Carolina and as a software developer in North Carolina. These two I have rejected for various reasons. I had a poor experience in one place, and I didn't want to throw a couple of years of my life away to make money for the other. Then there's a company in Atlanta that I am currently considering. The company was amazing. I really, really liked the people that I met there. I felt like those people were people like me. They were people I had things in common with. I felt a kindred spirit there, and I was received very warmly. In fact, that would normally be a place that I would definitely accept at if it were not for my current circumstances. Still, I think about moving away from this place since I've been here so long. I've found a company that I like, and even though I really don't care for Atlanta, I would know people there. The majority of MIS students would live in Atlanta, there is the prospect of Daniel being my roommate, and I think that I could make due. This is a fine opportunity, but moving away from everything you've ever known is also a scary proposition. In fact, most of my friends have had poor experiences with it. Even Mark and Karen miss Alabama, and Karen isn't even from the state. I would be away from my family at a time when I should probably be close to home, and so there you have it. I have a complex situation and decision that must be resolved in weeks not months. This is half of my dilemma.

Thoughts on the Semester

2005-11-20T13:12:00.000-06:00

So it's been a while since I've slapped in an entry into the blog. My apologies for not being able to keep up with all of my friends' blogs as well. MIS is, well, MIS. I haven't had time for anything, but honestly for this semester that has been a good thing. I've been able to catch up with Michael Finley and Daniel a couple of times this semester. This semester... now there is something to think about. When I ventured back to campus from a terrible summer, I promised myself that I would do my best to enjoy my senior year. I wanted to have the most fun that I could possibly cram into an academic year. Unfortunately, I have been unable to do that. At first it started off pretty well. Then I started the MIS classes in full swing, got pressure from a faculty member to work for Lowe's, had to endure a busy time with interviews and projects squeezed in between, and of course the situation at home with my stepfather. One great thing has been the football season we've had. That was a good going away present from the University to me. Now, the dust has started to settle, and I am beginning to wonder if there is any way that I'll enjoy my final semester here at the Capstone. I will be even more busy next semester, and life after that is going to be decided soon. (I'll get into that in the next couple of posts) So, the highlight of my semester was probably the trip to Chicago. The holidays are here, and it will be a bit of a somber time. Hopefully, everything will work out. My grades should be ok, but I am somewhat concerned about my distance ed class that I need to finish before long. I haven't met any new people really, but I did have a wonderful Thanksgiving before Thanksgiving on Thursday. So, all in all it's been a tough semester, but I look forward to deciding what to do with my life which is its own conundrum and to getting on with it.

My Kinda Town

2005-10-17T09:41:00.000-05:00

My getaway

So, I took a nice break from reality last week. My friend Jason Goldman and I went to work for IMT, and found ourselves on the streets of Chicago. Due to the serious nature of school and my personal life these days, it was a refreshing escape. I bought a digital camera before going, and I got some great pictures like the one above. I had a good time. We went to the Second City, a famous comedy club where the likes of Chris Rock, Chris Farley, the Blues Brothers, Mr. Akroyd and Murray all got their starts. In fact, it is the biggest talent supplier to Saturday Night Live. It was great. I got to go out and eat at the good local ethnic restaurants, and of course the pizza of Giordanos. I was able to do the touristy things too like the Sears Tower and the Navy Pier. The weather today feels much more like Chicago did, but overall I really miss Chi-town already. Reality is setting back in quickly, but it was a very nice handful of days where I didn't have to face mortality, work, stress, or anything else troubling. I even heard from Emmie once I got back. It was a nice place that I'll have to go back to one day I'm sure. It's big and bold, like me, and even though complex it still has charm. Yep, Chicago is my kinda town.

You and Me

2005-09-24T16:54:00.000-05:00

A hard look in the mirror

Life has a real way of kicking you in the nuts when you're down, doesn't it? I just had a chinese meal with a fortune cookie. Inside the message said: "The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost." That wouldn't be so deja vuish evil if I hadn't had the day I'm living through today. I have had a very, very poor weekend. I don't know how to say it, but I knew something was wrong this morning. Something disturbing was in my bones. It's not something you'd typically hear me say. I'm not exactly a fate kind of guy usually. I can't deny though, something was very ominous in my demeanor this morning. I went to the UA-Arkansas game, and afterwards I talked to my mother. The worst is happening. So I dedicate this entry to the third great man I've ever met in my life. He met my mother in Orlando Regional Medical Center in 1998. My mother's marriage was on the rocks, and promptly ended with my stepfather Geoff. When my mother met Jim Potter, there was an undeniable attraction between them. My mother loved him even though she denied it for months. She did talk a lot about finally finding her soul-mate. Ever the skepticist, I doubted it from my own personal experiences. I didn't think someone that is your other half existed. I'd been burnt too much to believe that. So, they were together when my mother had a dream about my grandfather becoming terminally ill, and thus they returned to my home town of Huntsville, Alabama. They wed the following year, and were very happy. He worked as a carpenter and mastered the science of home-building while he completely remodled my grandfather's house that he left us after he passed. He continued to work as a carpenter in a posh community near where we lived, but one day a garage was loose and fell and hit his head. It triggered a reaction in his body, a neuromuscular disease that had been dormant for most of his life. At first it was just disorientation and nausea. For a year and a half it was only a nagging disability which prevented him from very physical activity. Then it worsened. He lost the ability to walk great distances, and his motor skills were affected too. He became sick when traveling long distances, and he would have good days and bad days. Finally, several months ago his disease was diagnosed. It took a long time to find out what was causing his ills. Not the mayo clinic or any other physician could figure it out. He soon lost control of his bladder, and he was unable to breathe while sleeping. The lack of oxygen to his brain caused some mental damage and his speech muttered. This past week, he was admitted to the hospital after struggling to breathe. The pulmonologist informed us that he was having problems with his lungs functioning correctly, and that this was going to be a permanent predicament. He said it was difficult to determine how much longer he will be with us, but he feels that we are nearing the end of this terrible infirmity. He is fated to suffocate. He is no Teri Schiavo. He doesn't want to be on a ventalator. He is a brave man, and he is couragous and honorable. I've spoken of what has afflicted him, but I haven't spoke of what he affected. I said he's fated to suffocate because I realize that there is some small measure of fate in this world. He made me believe again. He never had even a minor argument with my mother. They are the happiest couple that I have ever met. My mother has deserved him. She suffered through horrible relationships and raising children on her own most of her life. This is a cruel hand that she's been dealt. While he made me believe, he gave her something that she yearned for her whole life, true love. He was a father to my fatherless siblings, and he is a deep and decent human being. I love you Jim Potter. I love you very much, and I will miss you every day of my life. You are the third great man I've met in my life, and the third time was the charm.

The Mourn of the Mississippi

2005-09-01T00:59:00.000-05:00

My Heart's Lament

How black and dark that sick sky!
That now produces tears of every kind.
Your strangle on black gold makes corporations laugh,
And yet I weep on your behalf.

For lost are the names of forgotten faces,
And no mercy was spared upon all the races.
The bombs dropped like missles from above,
And now they starve and die for lack of love.

All the while streaks shock and scatter,
Blood from the innocent whose lives don't matter.
And explosions roar down upon your archiecture,
The assault of freedom brought by Mother Nature.

No law or order has been bestowed upon a man.
Looted is the womb of the forgotten land.
Warned but not spared is all they could do,
But rest assured that I have not forgotten you.

Day 1: So Long, North Carolina

2005-08-11T20:45:00.000-05:00

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words, Or Sometimes Just Two

So an offer is not in the offering as it turns out. Not the way that I wanted to finish up this way, but I have to say that I am very glad that I'm getting out of here. I can't wait to get back, see family, and explore other opportunities. I've been quiet on here lately, but I have been hard at work. I plan to do some rewriting on the novel. It needs it badly in some spots. I'll be distributing it later on though. Anyway, I hope that all of everyone's summers have been more pleasant than mine. I'm back to school soon, and I'll have more posts in the coming week... hopefully.

Day 13: Wow, They Represented

2005-07-30T21:44:00.000-05:00

DC's first eleven OWN Chelsea

So three of the self-proclaimed best team(s) in the world comes to the US, and one wipes aside the gals in LA, and the other twos starters get OWNED by MLS teams. I think that we opened the eyes of some Euros this week. Don't buy it? Check this out then. Jose Mourinho, the Chelsea manager says: "It is the middle of their season so they are sharp, they are fast, they are better than we are."

What?? The cocky Chelsea manager says that?! Oh, it gets better, the AC Milan coach after the Milan-Chicago game, says this: "We were very very lucky to win. It was an honor to be on the same field with that team." I must say, of all the games, my beloved Fire showed best. Even their reserves beat Milan's reserves. That's something there. My god were those wops owned. Soccer is a funny game you see, especially in meaningless friendlies, you can dominate a game and still come up short. Anyway, I was pleased about the way they played against "superior" competition. So, project time is almost up, and so here I go back at it...

(Oh yeah, and the Crew owned Fulham and they got the result on the scoreboard where it matters. English Premier League, pff they got nothing)

Day 17: The Finish Line

2005-07-26T04:54:00.000-05:00

I envy this little guy

I can finally see it around the bend, and I can see it in more ways than one. In two and a half weeks(roughly), I will finally rid myself forever of Wilkesboro, North Carolina. I honestly can't say that I've enjoyed the place that much. I took a trip to LA, and to Cinci and that made my summer. However, I now find myself less than a week away from the due date for my MIS 320 project. I have passed the class with what I have done, but I really need a better grade in that class. That's why you'll notice that I'm writing this at an unGodly hour. Just like being back in MIS at school, I'm not sleeping because of their crappy overboard workload. I'll be very glad to be rid of that too. In less than a month, I'll start the journey to the last year of my stay in Tuscaloosa. I'm happy about that. I will be a busy boy from here on out though. I have to finish this project, finish up the book, and finish up a finance class I've been taking distance ed. Then, I'll have school, the LSAT class, and the LSAT itself in October. I have an exit strategy in case I get stuck with a coding job. It involves writing, even if it is contracts, and it would be so much better than having to code every day. So, we'll see what happens. Good luck to my boys in Chicago who play AC Milan, the runners' up in the UEFA (European) Champion's League. The Fire(see my icon, a soccer team if ya don't know) will face off in a match against them on Wednesday at Soldier Field. I think they have a fighting chance, but the fact that their national team players have been away playing in the Gold Cup (Which the US won, and will now be ranked third in the world) will hurt them due to fatigue. Anyway, here's to the finish of what I started this summer. What in the hell was I thinking?

Day 28: Enough of the waiting already!

2005-07-15T16:54:00.000-05:00

Today is the day!!!!!

So today is it! I have anticipated this book for a long time. I have so many questions that begged to be answered by this book. I think some of the subtle real-life issues such as race (Lupin) and other things that subtly brush on real topics will come to a head in this book. Quite possibly my favorite author ever, Jo Rowling is as clever a writer as you will ever read. She blends such colorful wit(love the British wit) with insightful, emotional, and significant semblance. She writes elements of such fantasy that contain everything that matters in this life. How she combines and melds the two is absolutely brilliant. Sacrifice, love, loss, and a many other things that I can only hope to accomplish in my novel is portrayed in hers so much more clearly and clever than I can ever aspire to write. I can't wait 'til midnight!

Day 32: Perseverance

2005-07-11T00:16:00.000-05:00

Staying the Course

So, after a little encouragement, I got a good bit of writing done today. I suppose that I should comment on the horrible occurrence of what transpired in London. First of all, it is one of my favorite cities (despite the food), and I have friends there. It is a despicable act carried out by witless violence prone idiots. My heart goes out to you, London. So, I'm happily chopping down the task that is my novel. I have a decent chunk written, and I'm very happy with how it's going so far. Hopefully, I'll be done before I have to go back to school. That way, I can start submitting it. Anyway, I was very happy to have it going in full gear. I'll be pausing this weekend again due to my Pottermania, but I am determined now more than ever to get it done. The important thing is to finish what you start I think. So keep it up Jo!

Day 36: My Ten Shags

2005-07-06T22:25:00.001-05:00

Well, I thought I'd throw my hat into the ring, despite not getting called out. I deserve a good gossipy, crazy post every now and then, right? The issue is Brad going for big lips (possibly) while he was with Jennifer. It brings up the issue of who's your top ten if you could hook up? So, I gave it a shot. It took quite a while, but here's my list of top hotties:

Shannon Sossaman

The starlet of A Knight's Tale and 40 Days and 40 Nights caught my eye long ago. Her skin tone, and reminiscant fashion in which she reminds me of someone I know makes me go ga ga.

Lacy Chabert

Well, just straight up HOT! She hasn't been in any major part, but that never stopped me from adoring her.

Denise Richards

Despite her marriage to someone that I thought wasn't worth her time, (due in no small part to all the drugs he consumed(s) she is still on my list. I first saw her in starship troopers, and I knew she had a future in Hollywood.

Jessica Alba

What can I say? She tends to date people that would make me not put her on the list, but she is also my type. I can't get over watching her exit stage right, but I sure do enjoy it.

Selma Hayek

Ah, what can I say? I'm a sucker for a latin girl. That's no secret. Mediterranean or latin, and I'm done for. Selma seems to pick some odd roles every now and then, but she has a lot of spunk and a great fashion sense.

Rachel Weisz

This one is all in the eyes. I think that she's a great actress. She picks wonderful roles, portrays them well, and she has a set of beauties that will melt your heart.

Shannon Elizabeth

The loveable russky from American Pie caught everone's eye on screen back in the day. Naughty-a, also has a heart for dogs, and I'm a dog person. She makes the list for her positive outlook and donation to the animal kingdom.

Mandy Moore

This one is a different story. She strikes me with her demeanor. She is the shy nice girl that I really want in life. She is very compassionate and considerate in every single interview that I've seen her in, and she is always very lady like. Damn that Andy Roddick.

Norah Jones

The girl can sing, and she has those dark features and big puppy eyes that will make ya whinny with desire. Her raspy, smokey voice is really cool too.

Kristin Kreuk

I saved the best for last. She's the most beautiful girl on earth as far as celebs go. She is very bright too actually. I've read some of her writings, and it's pretty cool stuff. She's just adorable, and she stars on one of my favorite tv shows, Smallville.

So there they are. Jo can poke fun at my choices, but those are the hollywood starlets that would quickly make me leave my world. I hope they're not the only ones who can do so though.

Day 46: Metropolitan Life, It Pays

2005-06-27T23:30:00.000-05:00

Life in the Big City

So I'm having a few withdrawals from the city of Atlanta apparently. I was really bored today, and I'm not sure that is going to change very much. I have reflected a lot on the trip I took, and I think I'm going to go to work in the place where my heart leads me if I get the chance. I wrote a little on the book today. I'm having some particular difficulties being creative with the backstory. I'm leaning heavily on things that I've gone through to pound it out. A lot of the reason is that I share a lot in common with my main character. I guess that will say a lot about me if you read the backstory. It's kind of split between the main character and James. It's a dichotomy of sorts. Anyway, the work on it is still in progress, and I think that after this chapter the creative floodgates will open up again. This chapter is particularly difficult because you really want your reader to understand your character. I really stop myself several times realizing that I didn't ask myself this question that naturally a reader would ask. There's the rub. You have to be a reader to write a book I've learned. Anyway, life is fair. I'm broke until dad deposits my check from work, and then I'll be paying off bills. It's just sick. I have a busy latter half of the summer to look forward to, it'll be awesome. Well, I'm out for the night. I must type away as my update of the book will be circulating around the email cycle sometime mid next week. (No thanks to the trip to Atlanta and the upcoming apartment move in Tuscaloosa that is necessary) Oh well, here's to the hope of a bright future in a sea of starlight.

Day 47: A Life's Wish

2005-06-26T20:33:00.000-05:00

A Wishing Well

Well, after a few days in Atlanta, I'm refreshed. I had a very good time. I believe PWC wants me to work for them. I hope so anyway. They are a really great company. I really liked everything about them. I went to a Brave's baseball game, which was kinda fun even though I really didn't watch the game at all. I got wined and dined for the most part. I picked up a book in the genre that I'm writing to get a better understanding of how to write the book, and in particular a series of events in the book. I know that I won't follow all of Elmore Leonard's, Stephen King's, or Julie Checkoway's adivce when writing the book. I do pick up some good tips from each of them though. None of them are writing my genre though, so there's the rub. I have a bestseller that is an established writer, and I'm finding it interesting how he establishes things in his book. I learned that I have to develop a lot of backstory for my main character lest he be perceived shallow. I learned all sorts of cool stuff. Anyway, I hung out in Atlanta with Jason McMillian all weekend. We got a chance to dine at Steak 'N Shake. (J Mac, as we call him, was a first timer) We went downtown to Centennial Park, and took a tour of CNN. We went to Underground Atlanta, and a whole host of other things. While we were in the olympic park, I dropped a quarter into the pool that the fountain spilled into at the end of the park. I have always made my wish for one thing. Seeing as how I've never gotten it, I decided to modify my wish a bit. I hope that it comes to life. Anyway, I just thought I would post it, and maybe I'll look back and think that it was a wish worth taking.

Day 53: Save Tonight

2005-06-20T23:32:00.000-05:00

A North Carolina Sky
What a night! It's been beautiful all day today. I had a great day at work. I actually kept busy today. It was a lot of fun, and I'm getting to do some important stuff that will look quite good on a resume. I'm also making a lot of head way on my novel. I would appreciate it if anyone that is interested in contributing opinions of how it's going to list their email address in the comments section. I'll be emailing it out periodically a few sections at a time. I have to stay well ahead of my audience after all. So, I guess that's really all I have for tonight. I just wanted to make a quick post so that I could fight the break of dawn while I write. This one I'm going to finish. I'll be happy with it, and that will be enough for me. I will give it a go at the publishing though. I've read some things that were published that are far worse than what I've written so far. My idea is kinda unique too. Well, goodnight neverland!!

Day 54: I Will Remember You

2005-06-19T11:10:00.000-05:00

So, I thought that I would spice up my blog a bit. I changed the template, and added a bit more image to the mix. I also wanted to reflect on this picture. One year ago this weekend, (how ironic that I'm out of t-town now) I took a trip to get away from Tuscaloosa. I had met this lovely girl in Las Vegas that attended UNLV named Marina. I had fun on my IMT (work) trip to Las Vegas thanks to her. She took me out, showed me the town, and charmed my socks off. I liked her very much right away. It grew even with the distance, and so we decided to take a trip to New Orleans. We stayed in a quaint little hotel on Tchopatoulis.(I think that's how it's spelled) We took a dinner cruise on the Mississippi, went out onto Bourbon Street(and a not so asthetically pleasable specialty club), and to Pat O'Brien's where we were charmed by "Walking in Memphis" which we requested the piano players to play. It was a magical trip. I found love, fun, and oddly enough a long term friendship. Marina is good people, and I rank that trip highly in my must remember experiences.

The Garden District

Day 55: A Preview of My Novel

2005-06-19T01:22:00.000-05:00

Well, it took a while to come up with an idea and outline for my novel, but here goes nothing I figure. So, here is a small glimpse without proper spacing due to the blog......... It was four minutes after three in the morning. Ethan Huckins lay in his bed listening to footsteps lightly patter down the hallway. The constant beeping of machines and the tubes that connected to his body were as annoying as they were helpful. Were they really helpful?
Ethan had grown tired of this place. He tired from the constant sterile odors of disinfectants, and the muffled sobs that he endured the last four days. Ethan was a sincere old man. His wavy white hair often hung above deep blue eyes that could pierce the most guarded heart. His face was thin and worn, and his large chest gave a whisper of a hint to his once proud figure. He was tall, a fact disguised by his current state, and he bore a woven bracelet on his left arm that had a sapphire attached to the last knot.
Too weak to sit up, Ethan moved his head slightly in order to make himself as comfortable as possible. Many thoughts began to reverberate inside his mind. Will I ever escape this place? It feels like so long ago since I felt normal.
Suddenly, something remarkable happened…
Light started to pour into the room. Ethan tried to close his eyes, but he was unable to resist his curiosity. The sounds of the beeps began to fade, the lingering aroma disappeared, and Ethan seemed a bit light headed. He took in one deep breath, and a long tone was the last thing that he could make out in the room.
A nurse soon rushed into the room to inspect her patient. She was startled by the sound while making rounds, and hurried upon Ethan’s body in surprise. His head was slightly turned towards her, and his eyes were making contact with her own. She stood there frozen for a moment.
“Martha! Alert the code team!” she screamed.
“Not again Susan, I just can’t take this again” Martha mumbled to herself.
Another nurse rushed into the room. Susan was grabbing the crash cart and bringing it next to the bed.
“Help me get him lying flat Patty” Susan requested.
After some struggle, the nurses placed Ethan onto the crash cart. He was flat on his back, and a vacant empty expression glazed over his eyes. The attending physician, Dr. Adams arrived and looked directly at Susan.
“We need to get him hooked up to the defibrillator”
“Yes, Patty, your turn to record what happens” Susan said.
Soon Ethan was hooked up to the defibrillator, and Dr. Adams noticed the on-call anesthesiologist make his way into the room to ready the patient for an open airway. Ethan’s gown was removed, and his bare burly chest was exposed.
Ethan felt the first shock run through his body vaguely. His consciousness held firm for a few seconds as he recalled a long forgotten memory.
Ethan had just walked into the coffee shop…
He was attending his brother’s high school graduation…
He had written his last letter…
The second shock was not as kind as the first. Ethan’s body convulsed as the medical staff desperately attempted to revive him. It took the elements that Ethan had escaped when he heard the long tone, and it returned them all for a few moments. The beeping and the tubes he could hear and feel. He was still unable to see or smell however, and for that he was somewhat thankful.
“I’m clear, you’re clear, everybody clear?” yelled Dr. Adams.
“Three hundred and sixty Joules” replied Susan while nodding her head.
The third shock was sent through Ethan roughly, and his memories continued to stream through his mind… He was sitting in a flat bottom boat in a lake at the foothills of the Appalachians. His father was teaching him how to fish as a boy…
His best friend had moved in with him to attend the university…
Dr. Adams began to administer the CPR. The light seemed to dim again, and Ethan rose away from his bed, detached from what was transpiring. He looked around the room, and a dark figure was in the chair in the corner. He had the feeling that it was watching him. He turned his attention to the medical staff that was around his body. Dr. Adams had placed the ambu bag on his face.
“No response. An amp of Epinephrine” Dr. Adams yelled.
“He’s not going to make it” Susan replied.
Ethan really hadn’t understood what was happening, but he estimated that he was either dreaming or dying. The flat line sounded in the room. Several times the staff administered some drug, attempted CPR, and Dr. Adams would reply “no response”. A look of defeat enshrouded the physician, and he gazed at Susan and gave her the last drug to be administered.
“Levophed” he said.
Susan nodded, and administered the drug. Ethan looked around the room, from the bed where he was lying, to the dark figure, and out to Martha the secretary.
“Leave them dead with Levophed” she muttered quietly.
Several moments later Dr. Adams looked at his watch, and then he looked to Susan.
“Time of death, three thirty-four am. I will notify the family.”
“The patient has no family.”
“I’ll notify the morgue then.”
And so it was that Ethan Huckins died.

Day 71 - 56: An Ode to Maybe

2005-06-17T14:18:00.000-05:00

Well, let's start with 71. We toured the plannogram building that day. I'm not allowed to speak of anything inside it though. I just read a USA Today article about getting sacked if you let out any trade secrets in your industry in a blog, so I'll just say it was cool and leave it at that. The next day was a bunch of lectures. Then, a very dull weekend that consisted of sleep, food, and laundry. Not much else. Then the last couple of weeks I've sit in my cube without a PC, email, or any work to do. It's been really dull, but my project manager and director are lining things up for me, so it will all be cool. I really love the people. They rock. The place is pretty too. My dad and little brother came down on days 64-61, and it was interesting. My dad and I have very little in common, but we always manage to enjoy one another's company some how. That's it. You're pretty much caught up. I have been enjoying a ton of reading which I wasn't able to do in school too. I've always been a bookworm. I can't imagine how many books I've read in my day. They are beyond count by my reckoning. I've re-read Eragon, the curious incident of the black dog in the night time, and the five people you meet in heaven to name a few. It's a bit of an expensive hobby, so I've decided to continue an old habit. I'm going to return to my writing. I've often heard people say that they enjoy my writing style. I'm going to unleash it in a novel. I won't have it finished by the end of my internship, but I will plan on finishing it not too far after my education is complete. I plan on adding another blog entry this weekend, and I wish I had more time to enter some other info in here. I just want to get back to the brainstorming and outlining. I find writing fascinating. I can just sit down and type away often times. It just manages to flow out some how. Maybe it will be quality, maybe not. Who knows, I might get it published. Now there's an ode to maybe.

Day 73, 72: Nice to Know You

2005-06-01T22:00:00.000-05:00

The story continues... Well, let's start with Day 73. It was my first day of the internship with Lowe's. I'm waking up at 5:30 to get ready and drive down to Mooresville. That part of it is not cool. So, I go down and meet Tiffany Shaw and Maria Panozzo. I had to rush to get my passport mailed to Maria, but other than that everything was in order. The building is absolutely gorgeous. It has this man made river with waterfalls, and it flows under the offic complex. Absolutely wicked. Most orientations are pretty laid back affairs. You watch a video, chat, fill out paperwork, and you're on your way. This orientation was nothing short of intense. We were given a presentation by (annonunced today as the new) Executive Vice President of Store Operations Nick Canter. It was basically an AIMS meeting for orientation. Why you should work for Lowes: Corporate Propoganda. The usual stuff, you know. Then we broke for lunch. I met a cool guy in IT named Brandon that is actually from Wilkesboro, which will come in handy, and we went to lunch. Then all the interns were taken to a RDC (Regional Distribution Center). I'd give the place adjectives, but it would do it no justice. 1.2 million square feet with 3 miles of conveyor belts, that's all I have to say. Wicked. I came home weary, and was asleep by 9:45. My god how things change in a matter of a week. On to Day 72... Well, the morning was a bit more lax. We played a guessing game of interesting facts that all the interns wrote down in a "get to know each other" type challenge. It was fun, and I have come to know and like a couple of the other people. I've particularly come to like Brooke, the intern from accounting, but I think I'll leave those details out of the blog. :p So, after that we had a trip to a store in Huntersville. There were two District Merchandisers there to meet with us and discuss lots of things like procurement of goods, dealing with vendors, etc. After that we broke for lunch. Then after lunch we went back to the office to receive presentations on multi-cultural marketing and merchandising from the VP of merchandising. I got recognized for asking a brilliant question (how the weakening dollar, growing strength of the EU, and evolving markets of China and India are affecting costs and the market for Lowes). I think the guy was surprised to find out that I was an IT intern, because he asked me what department I was going to and when I told him he had this odd expression. Anyway, that's all for today. I think I'm gonna kick back and turn on the tube. That's two posts in no time, so no complaints Jo! :)

Day 75, 74: Dueling Banjos

2005-05-31T02:30:00.000-05:00

As an aside, I am temporarily changing title tradition due to my displacement in North Carolina. So, time flies these days doesn't it? I'm busy kicking ass and taking names in T-town, and then BAM! (as Emeril would say) I find myself wandering around Wilkesboro, North Carolina. In a matter of hours I will begin my internship with Lowe's Inc. I'm pretty excited about it. I have been put in a Holiday Inn Express, so I am naturally mentally prepared. Anyway, I spent the weekend leading up to my stay in Wilkesboro with Daniel and Mark in Raleigh/Durham. It was a lot of fun. I didn't get to chat very much with Karen which sucked, but I did get to hang out quite a bit with Mark. I hadn't seen him in so long, and it was really great just piddling around with him for a weekend. I visited Duke, and wow was it fantastic. I really loved the campus there. In general, North Carolina has been amazing. Day 75 saw me go to the blue ridge parkway with Daniel. It was a pretty cool experience. We hiked a bit, got some cool pics, and continued on to Boone where we visited App St. It was a pretty cool campus, and we went on to blowing rock and it was picturesque. I think this place reminds me a bit of Everwood, with more amenities. It's quaint though, and I think that I could be happy here. It might be a challenge finding a mate here, but I only plan to work for a couple of years anyway before I attempt an MBA. Today, 74 came and went without a lot of happenings. I stayed most of the day doing small things. I put all my clothes away and hung them up, did the grocery shopping, and all the normal garb along with taking care of some issues with my college recruiter from Lowe's. Wilkesboro, where I'll be holed up for the next 74 days, is not a great town, but the surrounding areas are enough to be stoked about. There I go ending a sentence with a preposition, shame on me. Anyway, I really hope that I like my work. I'm really looking forward to it. Well, I'm off to bed. I have to get up soon, and I think I need to sleep as much as possible. Good night neverland.

Mr. Brightside

2005-05-18T18:25:00.000-05:00

Wow, what can happen when you leave your blog alone for a while! First, I have to get this out of my head: "I'm gonna be somebody. One of these days I'm gonna break these chains. I'm gonna be somebody, some day. You can bet your bottom dollar I will." That has been in my head ever since finals. The final, to be specific. That thing was horrific. I went in early that Friday morning, and I left late that Friday evening. (Or was it very early Saturday morning? I don't remember honestly) Anyway, I went out with a bunch of my friends to the strip, and we had a great time after the final. We were finally out at cheap shots when this rock band covered that country song and made it sound cool. Everyone was singing to it. I mean everyone. Usually around finals, all the students pack their things up as soon as their last final is finished, and they hit the road. It seemed like this semester was different. Everyone was out on the strip that night, and there had to be hundreds, if not thousands (I kid you not, people in the street), of people singing along with us. It was wicked. Then, a few other things happened. I had an internship opportunity pop up out of nowhere in North Caronlina. I was over the moon. They just called me out of the blue one day at work. The faculty in my department didn't even recommend me for it is the thing. I got this one all on my own. The fact that the faculty didn't promote me for the position rubbed me the wrong way. No, it pissed me off to find that out. Kinda like a more recent development pissed me off. (more on that in a bit) I worked really hard for the faculty and my department, and I seemed to get nothing in return for it. Then, all of a sudden they recommend me for a position at a Fortune 28 company in Ohio. I turned it down, much to their dismay. He he he. Revenge is a dish best served cold. So, I am awaiting a summer of uncertainty and adventure. It's just the way I like it. I think that life will get very interesting in the near future. Well, this is a very optimistic blog entry, isn't it? Ok, now for the buzz kill. A 'friend' of mine is staying with me for half of the summer. So, last night for some reason I discovered that my phone wasn't ringing even when it wasn't off of silent mode. I went to use his phone to call my cell phone just to test it out. Low and behold, I put the number in there and dial, and then I see that my name had been saved in an unflattering form. Actually, it wasn't my name at all but a nick-name surely derived by my 'friend'. So, here's the skinny... I'm thinking, very seriously thinking, about kicking his ass out. I'm sure this is a little inside joke that is played behind my back with him, his girlfriend, and a couple of our mutual 'friends'. Either that, or he's just an ass munch. I'm leaning heavily towards the former, as I know those guys pretty well. Especially one of them. So, if you guys happen to bother upon my blog entry, just know that I don't care what you call me. Your opinions of me mean dick shit, for the record. Sometimes, you just have to wonder if you will ever find one human being who will just be unbiased and loyal. I don't think that I have yet. Oh well, my life is on the up and up. I know where I'm going, and I know what it's going to take to get me there. For the past year I have lived in complete poverty. I haven't had time to take care of myself or the things I own to be honest. Most people don't understand that unless they go through my major. So, I will do both this summer. I have less than a year left before I move on with my life. I can't wait for it to get here, because I know that the suffering of my mind and body will pay off after it arrives. There's the egg a little more sunny side up. "Jealousy, turning saints into the sea, swimming through sick lullabies. Choking on your alibis, but it's just the price I pay. Destiny is calling me. Open up my eager eyes, cus I'm Mr. Brightside."

The Sun

2005-05-02T05:59:00.000-05:00

So, finals and summer are upon me. I've been able to be out and about a bit more as of late, and I even got a little sun. I had a good weekend. I messed around with Ben and Wes on Friday, and we had a lot of fun. Then Yesterday Daniel came into town. We had a good time going to the Ham and checking out the stardome. There were a couple of really good acts. We also ate at the cheesecake factory, and I gave him Eragon for his birthday. It's an awesome book, I really loved it. (Karen, if you read this, that book would be a wonderful gift for Mark, I know he loves that genre of books) Jason came over this evening, and we cooked a nice meal. We watched a little tube, and studied for our VB final. So, I'm here on the brink of finishing the year of hell that is MIS at the junior level in the University of Alabama. It's been great and terrible all at the same time. There's nothing like pouring yourself into something and learning/growing so much from it. There's also nothing like developing friends you suffer with through it. The politics and other facets of it I don't particularly enjoy though. I realize that I'm only a year away from being out of this place. It's wonderful, sad, and scary all at the same time, but my what happens in a year. A year ago for example, I was sitting pretty comfy with a non-eventful job, and I had a roommate that I shared a lot of things in common with too. He left, and I've not had quite the same experience in Tuscaloosa without a roommate. Honestly, I've had more time to dedicate myself to my work, which I have really needed. Living on my own, other than throwing me into complete and utter poverty, has been a bit of a breath of fresh air. I've learned a lot about myself. When I have the time, I'm a pretty tidy guy actually. Unlike the busy period from the last few weeks, dead week has allotted me the time to keep my place pristine. Life is so much better, and it feels so much more structured when you're bed is made, the kitchen and bathroom are clean, and the trash has been taken out. I know that it will be different living with Arron and Ben. I know these two really well, so I am sure that it will be fine, but I will miss living by myself. I've had a great ride here in Tuscaloosa. This last chapter I believe will be my best. I really think that good times are ahead for me. I haven't felt that way in a really long time. This caterpillar inside the cocoon is about to make the transformation to a butterfly. My entry into the professional world and real money is nigh. I will miss a lot of things, but everything is lined up for life to progress the way it should. Even though I have done a hell of a job delaying it. The summer should be fun. I might have to take some classes, but I'll get out and go kayaking as well as other stuff that I have lined up with Jason. I think this will be a great summer, and the fall appears to be an adventure in the waiting. MIS will hold a lot of work for me in the Capstone, but I know that with football season fast approaching I will have other things to take my mind off of all the work I will be buried in so that I can stay sane. I only hope that my experiences match my expectations. But I cannot forget, refuse to regret. So glad I met you. Take my breath away, make everyday worth all of the pain that I've gone through, and mama I've been cryin´ cause things ain't how they used to be. She said, the battle's almost won, and we're only several miles from the sun.

Anthem of Our Dying Day

2005-04-25T03:58:00.000-05:00

I've seen movies with a general driving to the door of a spouse of a soldier. I've always thought how horrible of a feeling that must be. It is horrible. I got a knock at the door at an unexpected hour from an unexpected person on Friday. Apparently, an old friend that I haven't seen in quite a while was involved in a tragic accident on Thursday. He used to live next to me in the old apartment at Preston Place. I remember Brian for being loud, wild, full of life, and very funny. This weekend was a total disaster. I had plans on going back to Huntsville to spend the weekend with Daniel because it was his birthday, and then this happened. I left my phone in T-town to boot, and it was just an all around tough time to go through. Brian was a good guy, and I miss him. He leaves behind a wife and a child, and he also left behind a somber friend. I dedicate this entry to him. From up here, the city lights burn like a thousand miles of fire, and I'm here to sing this anthem of our dying day.

A Lifetime

2005-04-19T02:03:00.000-05:00

Reflection, I haven't had much time for it lately, but I'm in the mood. So, I won't be getting the internship at E&Y in Atlanta. Oh well. I went to New Orleans with Tom and IMT last week. I'm pretty sure that it was my last show with IMT. It's kind of crazy. I remember my first IMT show like it was yesterday. Tom invited me up to Chicago, and I was excited just to escape InStaff. I had a lot of fun on that trip. It's crazy to think that it was 3 years ago that I did that. I only have one more year left here in Tuscaloosa. While I'm really having very little time to keep myself in good health and have a sane existence, I really am starting to realize that this was a lengthy but temporary journey. I've invested so much time in this place that my thoughts of parting with it are a bit melancholy. I don't like the place, really. I have, however, met many people and experienced many things here in T-town. Some of the bonds established here will never be broken, while others that have already been severed have taught me so much and have seasoned the meat in my life. The stuff that matters I mean. I've had heartache here, and I've had love here. Not the permanent soul mate type of love that I seek, but love nonetheless. I've had fun, had wild nights, and even met people that will continue to donate positive things in my life. I'm trying to think of some of the moments to place in this entry, but there are just so many. I met Hanniel here... so many others to name. Jason Goldman, Ben Sholes, Wes Murphree, the faculty, Mariellen, Exterminator, Haley, Brittany, Nathan, Brian, Kikers, Mark, Karen, Tom, Jo, Casey, Jimmy. The list goes on forever it seems. I've really reached the point that I am proud of what I've accomplished. I got the opportunity to have my family share that with me on Honors Day. I received an honor for my academic accomplishments. I'm on my way to becoming the man that I want to be. On the way though, I can never forget where it was I came from, or what it is that has lead me to be this person. From the stadium break-ins, to the parties, to the nights at cancun and InStaff, to the jumping off the pool fountain at Stone Creek, to the stardome, and nights awake talking to Zack. I can't possibly recount the fond memories or lessons learned I take away from this place in a year, but I have made a promise to myself to never forget what it is like to be young. It probably would only take a few minutes to reflect, and I should do it more often. I value from whence I came. Three and a half minutes, felt like a lifetime.

Who Needs Sleep?

2005-03-11T06:03:00.000-06:00

Well, not only did I just read my last post and think to myself that I didn't get away from the stress and go home and see my family, but I also realized that when I did do what I wanted in that post it was almost a week ago and I was home for a total of 3 hours. Yes ladies and gentleman, my life really sucks right now. I have had a hell of a few weeks. Let's see, for starters I have gotten no internship interviews. That's right, not a single one. I kill myself for this department, and I have got nothing. I'm giving it a few more weeks. After that, I will come to the grand conclusion that you do nothing for me then I do nothing for you. So, what can I say is going on in my life? Not much really. I got a part time job on campus, and guess what I'll be doing? You guessed it, my favorite past time... coding. That just makes me wanna go out and eat babies. In case you don't know where that came from, it's called Jonathan Swift satire. Except that wasn't nearly as witty as his work due to the fact that cleverness goes out the window with exhaustion.So, I have a test at 8 AM, and I am taking a small break to write since I haven't done so in a long time. I really don't have any news to report. I code all the time, and there's nothing in particular that I can think is interesting. I don't hate what I do, but the burn out point is approaching quickly. I am not so sure that this semester was a good idea. I know that I'll graduate early, but these two MIS classes should never be taken together. So this weekend I'll be coding, and the weekend after that too probably. I do believe thought that I will get a day break over spring break. That'll be cool. I can actually sleep. I've averaged 3.5 hours of sleep for the last 17 days or so. I had a lot to look forward to at the beginning of the semester. I assumed that I'd at least be able to interview at Hewitt, but even they took a bunch of CS majors. I've been dissed a couple of times for people not as qualified, and I wouldn't mind if I was just given an opportunity to compete for an internship. I don't know if it's something on the resume (which I doubt considering the faculty looked at it on more than one occaision) or if there's a political thing behind it. Maybe they're just gonna send a few of us to NC, but I really don't wanna end up there. Better there than Arkansas, but that's not saying much. Anyway, I've been bothered by it for a while now. Hopefully something will work out, or I will have to just stay here for the summer which is the last thing that I wanna do. I'm not the only student getting the shaft, so that's kinda comforting, in so much as I know it's not only me being singled out. Well, I had better get back to this wonderful world of Visual Basic. I need to learn it for my test, and I need to know it for my new position too. Good night everyone. Hopefully next time I get a chance to post it will have better news about my future plans... if not I'll be asking folks around the department more questions than just 'Who needs sleep?'.

Let Me Be Lonely

2005-02-18T17:10:00.000-06:00

I thought I'd throw everyone off and make a post in the mid afternoon. This week was a little crazy. I have been slacking off a little more than I should. So, another Valentine's Day (VD as I call it) came and went this week. Traditionally not my day, it was much the same this year. As a matter of fact, this week has sucked it up pretty badly. This major can really get to you some times, and I had a week of escape. I realized last night when I went out with Nathan and Wes that it's all I talk about these days. That's probably because it's all I do, but still it's pathetic. Who has time for romance though? Not anyone in MIS, that's for sure. I actually had a Valentine. That kinda went up in smoke though, and that's really what this entry is all about. I guess after all the talking and stuff it just turned out that we were too different. I don't know. It was a pretty confusing thing, because I didn't do anything to warrant hostility. What can I say? I just don't get women. Now I have to go speak to one about my failed internship opportunity at Hunt. Diversity, diversity, what a load of rubbish. Well, anyway, I think I'm going to Huntsville for the next day or so. I have some coding to do, but I miss home. I think I'll spend some time with family and friends there since I don't think it will be possible for another weekend in the foreseeable future. So, I'm going to get ready for some more news I might not wanna hear. Maybe she'll give me some reassurance about an internship though, so who knows... Either way, cupid you punk, (in the words of the man Will Hoge) Let Me Be Lonely Tonight.

Work

2005-02-03T05:10:00.000-06:00

A new Jimmy Eat World song, and oh boy does it fit. If I could only get outta here. I had my first MIS 330 (Database) test tonight. Most people don't really believe my major is what it is. My mom, and for that matter the rest of my friends and family, just couldn't believe what I said I was going through. They couldn't until I showed them the 400+ page projects I did last semester. So, that was the end of the 400+ page projects. Tonight was an introduction to the world of the Junior year MIS version. Like I said, I had my test. Notice the time of this entry. My test started at 5:00 pm. That's right, it took that long. I was not nearly the last one finished. In fact, I was so submersed in my work that I know I probably was one of the first to finish. There were seven questions on the exam. It was the most difficult exam I've probably ever had to endure. Now I have to study for a Marketing test that I have at 11, and that I have been neglecting due to my other MIS workload. Wow, I guess I am too busy to notice that I have no life. I hope that it's worth it at the end of this long road to graduation. I've laid down a costly sacrifice in order to meet my dreams. I just can't get over that test. Absolutely crazy. Nathan called me like 3 times, and I told him (when I wasn't supposed to have it on) out in the hall on the way to the restroom that I was still in the test at like 9:30. Until he came over here, and just heard that Jason also got out of the test just a minute ago and there were still people in there, did he believe me. In Summation, don't doubt me anymore people. Just recognize that all I have in this life right now is, well, work.

Changes

2005-01-30T06:01:00.000-06:00

What a night. This isn't exactly the Tupac version of the song. I actually went out tonight after feeling pretty bummed all day long. I have felt pretty bad lately. I've been down in the dumps a lot. I have loads of work to do, and I don't have a lot of time to myself. It also really sucks that the time I do have is spent alone. I think a lot of it gets back to the fact that I haven't had time to stay active lately. I really want to get back into excercising regularly. I feel so much better when I make a habit of it. Well, the old phrase "I can change" is one that I have heard a lot in my life. I heard it growing up from various abusive stepdads and all that. I've heard it on tv, and it's infamous for being a statement that a person who really is inable or unwilling to change makes just to keep whoever it is in their lives deceived. Well, I won't go as far as to make some statement like that for myself, but progress has been established. It has been established in my life recently by the academic success to some extent. However, I have wanted it to stretch into other parts of my life. Spiritually, morally, whatever you want to call it, I haven't exactly been the role model of lately. I've been known to swear a lot, drink, and various other things that most people look down on from their lofty perches. I must admit that when I was younger, in high school, I was a very moral person. Now, I was also a bible thumper, and that part of my life I have grown to dislike. Honestly, I feel that if God is your only motivation in life then there is something seriously lacking in your life. I was like that for a time. While I was narrowminded and foolish, I was very moral and good natured. This part of me tended to disappear when I became more aware of who I was in life. I tended to be more outgoing, and thus more prone to stumble around the typical moral roadblocks of life. I've missed that moral David. I wasn't entirely sure that I'd ever see him again. Tonight, though, he visited me. I went to a bar called Buffalo's downtown with some of my MIS friends. I really wasn't in the mood to go to be perfectly honest as I have been in quite the foul mood lately. I did though, and I was drinking (keep your eyes on your own perches people) and having fun with my friends. We went upstairs to dance, and I met this girl named Christina. Now, while I admit that I haven't felt quite appealing to the opposite sex lately, she was drawn to me for some reason. She was the cutest thing that I've seen in a long time. Those who know me recognize my type, and she personified it. Short, dark hair, olive complexion, the whole nine yards - she fit the bill. I was enamoured from the moment she asked me to dance. Yes, she asked me. What made it even more sweet was the fact that Milton, yes "Cock Block" as he is known among my friends, was hitting on her and tried to dance with her. He succeeded, for about five seconds. Literally. Then she came back, and sat next to me. We talked, and then we danced. Eventually, my friends wanted to leave the bar, so I invited her to go with us. During the course of the evening, she told me that she was married. WHAM! There's always a catch to women that like me. I don't know why. I don't know if I'm cursed or what the hell it is about it. It just turns out that way. I didn't choose life to be like that. It just is like that. So, we went to Boo Radley's just the two of us. We eventually wound up walking back to her car, and I had a choice to make. I'm David, and she was my Bethsheba. She was sent by God to tempt me into adultery. I, however, declined. Like I said, he came to visit me. It is not often that I get an opportunity with a woman of such beauty. Honestly, I'm very proud of myself. The decision I made I have been thinking about all evening. I'm very glad to see that somewhere inside me there is something wholesome, honest, and good. I gave my word that I would take care of her to one of her friends before we left Buffalo's, and despite my friends leaving me to go to Katie's apartment, I kept my word. Grandaddy, there is still some of you within me yet. I found it tonight. So, whether it be karma, sowing what I reap, or whatever you want to call it... I'm laying down an example. I'm not challenging the man upstairs, I'm just making an observation. I think, for the first time in a long time, that I am getting ripped from groin to sternum and am being shown what I'm made out of which I like. So, I hope it doesn't go unnoticed. It didn't by me anyway. They don't come very often do they? It's probably why they go unnoticed. Funny thing, changes.

She Will Be Loved

2005-01-21T17:39:00.001-06:00

Cool weekend this weekend. I won't exactly divulge all of my activities, but it's Marina's birthday today. So the weekend is very interesting as I strive away from Tuscaloosa. I think the world of her, and it's a real shame that we can't be geographically closer. It's always great to have someone to be close to though. Well, school is going pretty well. I've been fortunate enough to not get hammered for my procrastination. I've worked, but not as hard as last semester. I finally got my place cleaned after last weekend. I had fun with Daniel and Nathan. Dan got to meet a lot of my comrades in arms that fight it out with me in MIS. He also got to meet DHale, who went out with us to Buffalo Phil's. It was good times. It's going to be busy this weekend. I have project work to do in 330, and then there is this whole get away thing that I have to deal with at the same time. I've got a lot on my plate this semester, and internships are not far away at all now. In March, the opportunity might just present itself. I've submitted my resume for a position with Bank of America, but I'm really just doing that in case others fall through. We'll see. Anyway, life is going ok. I've got work to do, but other than that it's all good in the hood. I'll be taking another trip next weekend probably. I plan to attend Will Hoge with Daniel, but the fam is wanting me to come visit too. I'll see what happens. Well, not much worth telling, just thought I'd put something in today. I've missed Marina very much, and it's great to be able to see her again. I think that she's been really lonely since I haven't been able to call a lot and she hasn't seen me since August. Little does she know it, but she will be loved.

Vampires In Love

2005-01-05T04:46:00.000-06:00

Well, what a new year. I could backtrack on all the news, but I just feel like giving the rundown. I accomplished my feat of immaculate grades. I posted them on my parents' refrigerators to make a point. No sense in bragging that I was right to go through with waiting for the proper time to get a perfect GPA, not when you have evidence that prints it out in front of their noses. It was a great semester. It was hard, but it was really great. I had a good holiday season. My time in Huntsville was enjoyable. I got to hang out with Ben, Daniel, Michael, and Zack. Not as much as I would have like to hang out with Zack, but it was still cool nonetheless. I went up to Nashville for New Year's, and I had fun. Daniel and Ben accompanied me, and I think we all three had a pretty enjoyable time there. I was given a hint today that a certain young lady is interested in me from that trip, but I can't reciprocate the interest. I don't know why. She's a nice girl, but I feel that she's just enjoying the moment shall we say. Beyond that, it's just not there. Last year was a banner year for me. I proved to myself that I'm ready to move on and do something tremendous in this life, and I'm going to do it without giving two shits about what other people think of what I'm doing. For a long time, I just gave baseless excuses why I was sticking around this place, but now I know why I'm here and I'll gladly tell anyone who wants to know. I have grown past caring about how other people think that I should live my life. That's a good feeling. I'm going to pull one of my favorite quotes out of the bag. I really feel like this quote is so me, and I think it goes for last year and the path in life in general that I'm carving for myself. "History will be very kind to me, for I intend to write it." -Winston Churchill. So, back from the reflection to the present. So, this time of year I always think about one person in particular. Her birthday is on the 7th. She's the only woman I've ever really deeply loved, and I never really came out and told her that. It's been a very long time since I've seen her, and to tell the truth I think of her every day. It's not normal. It sounds sappy I guess, but it's the truth. I've been thinking of writing her a letter. I recently found out that she returned from Iraq. I've never quite been at peace with the way that I left things between us, and if for nothing else I may just write to her for my own piece of mind. So, it's back at it again tomorrow. I have a feeling that this semester will be even more brutal than the last, and I'm pretty certain that this semester will be the most difficult of my collegiate career. It's on like Donkey Kong beatch! So internship interviews will be held soon enough, and I'm sure that while I might not have time to write often, I'll have plenty of content to write about. This year I plan to get other parts of my life in order. My love life is one of those, and its' about time that I got around to facing the demons and give someone a chance. That's my resolution. The years are starting to pass by very fast these days. So I wish that all of you that read my posts will have a life as fulfilling as mine has been. We've all had our ups and downs, but your mine... for a post. Twenty six years... don't they go by in a blink. Have a very good new year everyone, and know that my thoughts are with you all. Especially so late on a night that I'm pining for the one that got away. And I'm wide awake, and you're wide awake, and I don't think that I'm getting tired at all.

The Sun

2004-11-23T02:44:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving break has arrived. HALLELUJAH! I have a week to (for the most part) chill with no stress. It's gonna be great. I have a trip to Huntsville scheduled for first thing tomorrow morning. It was absolutely pouring down rain today. I kinda liked it. I still think that the idea location for me to work is Seattle. I don't know what draws me there, but I really would like to try living there. Atlanta seems to be the first option right out of the MIS program, but ultimately I think my heart, mind, and body belong in the Pacific Northwest. I'm going to try to catch on with a company out of Atlanta called Ernst & Young. It's an accounting firm, but they also handle IT auditing. I talked to Christine about it, and I told her that E & Y was my top choice. She gave me some good advice, and apparently there is an opportunity for me with them. All I need do is to inform DHale or Kelly. Anyway, there's the career moves that I'm planning. I had an interview, if you can call it that, on Friday. They handed me a networking test. Seriously, a test. It had 50 questions, and a lot of them were fill in the blank. OUCH. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't know a thing about networking, but when you start asking me what topology is best suited for Windows NT and crap like that it's just a bit over the top. I mean, how many people can there be in Tuscaloosa who can ace that test? Not many I imagine. I don't know. Maybe I will get lucky on some of the multiple choice questions. Ha! On a more serious note, I've been contemplating just studying for the rest of my time here. I had a talk with my mom about it, and I think that she will be able to help me out. I guess I've never really asked for anything from my parents, and that is why I never got anything. Ask and you shall receive. I think as long as Dad can help me out I might not have to work if I don't want to, which would help me out so much in my strive to make the best grades possible. I'm seriously shooting for a 4.0 this semester. I think I can definitely get it. The only obstacle is the CS 124 final. I really do think I can pull an A out of that class though, and out of MIS 295 too. I got my second project in MIS 295 back today... a 96. I'm excited. It's just a huge accomplishment to pull off a 4.0 in my major. Most of you who read this just have no idea what a big deal that is for me. Most people in my major with 4.0s wind up as a USA Today Academic All-American. Well, I don't have a whole lot to report now. I'm just chilling before my trip up to Huntsville. My goal is to catch up with Zack and the rest of the Kliq, Daniel, MF (no, not that you vulgar people! Michael Finley), Jason, and the fam. Should be good times. My movie comes out on Tuesday, so I'll probably have to snatch it up. This semester has gone by really fast, and I think that the next one will prove interesting. If I can obtain an internship, I'll be in the house financially. Those things pay quite well as I understand. I just have this feeling that next year is going to be a really good year for me. There are obviously some aspects of life that have yet to be resolved, but overall I'm moving in the right direction. Well, I'm outta here. I hope all you guys have a Happy Thanksgiving. Have safe trips, eat, drink, and be merry!

Beautiful Mistake

2004-11-17T05:12:00.000-06:00

A Better Than Ezra title that carries a huge significance at the moment. I can't possibly catch up on all that has happened since my second project, so I'll just let you in on the general skinny. I had a meltdown over the second project. The graders came in on Monday afternoon and bitched at us about how poor the projects were. I had 172 slides plus the repository. I never worked harder on anything before in my entire life. It was turned in late because of a teammate, and I seriously considered just saying screw it. Obviously, I didn't, and I'm asking for another as the final project of the semester will be assigned tomorrow. (later today technically) As for why the song title fits, well, I just made a beautiful mistake. You see, I have this problem in life to be quite honest. I'm much like my mother. She tried love many times before she found the right one for her. I think I take after her in a lot of ways. I'm a bit sensative like her. I definitely took after her aptitude and thirst for knowledge. I'm afraid that I also have been given the difficult challenge of finding love as she did. I'm a bit tipsy right now after a long day, so I think I'll spill my guts. See, as far as finding girls to date, well, it's not that bad I guess. There have been very few girls in which I honestly, balls to bones, really thought that something might come of me dating them. My beautiful mistake tonight, well, her name is Beth. This is the second time that I've been involved with Beth, and I'm dealing with it horribly. See, she doesn't want a relationship. I, however, do. I've come to this conclusion after years of avoiding them. I either subconciously avoided them, I didn't pick up on the subtle hints that girls leave (I believe this to be the part of life that I am most stupid at), or I choose the wrong ones. Maybe on purpose. It's something of a mystery to me. At times I feel like I can be the most unattractive person on earth. Do I ever let that show to anyone? No. Absolutely not. The truth is though, that for a long time now I have really wanted love. I haven't found it, and I am not sure that I could find it here where I am now. I found one special person here in Tuscaloosa, but she is gone. I am not sure where my lot is in life regarding this part of life's journey. I think about that person on a daily basis, and I haven't found anyone who makes my heart race the way she did. Sad thing is, I haven't spoken to her in a very long time. I probably never will again in fact. I am very focused on finishing my time here at the University, but at the same time I'm reaching the age where this is important. I can't help but feel as if my past haunts me in my pursuit of finding a mate. That's really where the "Beautiful Mistake" part of this entry comes in you see. I'm hesitant at writing it, but so few read this that I won't be bothered by it. You should hear the song in order to grasp why I choose that song with those lyrics. I have a certain past you see. As I said, I'm much like my mother who chose love in the wrong places and people many times over. What not many people know is how those decisions of love affected me. My mother, well, chose poorly. I suffered, quite literally, due to her choice in men. I will not subject my children to such a life. The song 'Beautiful Mistake' goes out to a man named Joseph Phillips, father of my half sister Ashley. See, I had been abused before by my other half brother's dad, Marty, but nothing like Joseph Phillips. He was a great manipulator. He's the best I've ever seen at it, and probably why I can be persuasive in many situations. I shouldn't give him that credit though. I had to endure his abuse of my mother twice, but I never let him touch my siblings. They were too young to realize it, but I think it was one of my true colors shining through in life. One thing I am in life is loyal. One of the reasons I have come to adore the Harry Potter series is because of the ideals that J K Rowling supports throughout her novels. It contains everything that really matters. Sacrifice for your family, endurance through trials and tribulations of situations that you have no control over, and many other deep subjects that I would have never been broached by had I not had the foresight to ignore the hype behind the whole series. That's the real thing that I adore about it. It's so real the topics that she touches, but she masks it behind such a brillant and creative mind and topic. Anyway, some of the things, behaviorally, that I developed in childhood has a lot of impacts on the person that I am today. I believe that holds true for a lot of people. (So too, apparently, does my favorite author) I can be shy when I really like someone. I can be overbaring to people that I don't like. I have huge trust issues. Mostly though, I fear for what may come of something or someone that I don't know. I really think about possibilities that most people don't think of on just an encounter. Tonight, I had intimate moments with someone that I have no intention of pursuing. Most guys would think it awesome. I think it awful. I think I did it out of loneliness. It gets difficult when you work and slave in my major all the time. I also do it because I don't want to make the mistakes that were made when I was little. This is not a great entry for entertainment's sake, but what can I say? I long for someone to come along that I can really cherish, hold, and who will understand me in the deepest sense possible. I want I guess what most good people want. Someone to share a life with who won't betray your deepest form of trust. That and graduation. Those are the things most important to me right now, and things that I still strive to attain. I think that these desires is what seperates me from people like Joseph Phillips. People that don't see their only daughter on earth. People who don't care if they mortally injure children, or how bad they wound their mate. People who I just want to tell 'now you come around, now you come around. Back to this town, we are your beautiful mistake'.

Dry Your Eyes

2004-10-20T02:17:00.000-05:00

You're well out of order now, this is well out of town. This post has a hint of that to it. It's playing right now on iTunes, and honestly I'm having a hard time parting with it. (by a band called 'The Streets' if anyone is curious) So, I went from Kim offering me the digits to her telling me she has a boyfriend. I have NO idea what the hell is up with that, thus the first line in this entry. I'm not really upset about it, but the song has come across me a couple of times today. I just don't get women. Speaking of women, I have to give a shout out to a couple of cool ones in life who apparently peek in on me and my blog sometimes. First, I'll shout out to Jo. I should say Joanna Huckins. I go WAY back with Jo, way back in the Cancun days. The early Cancun days at that. I have honestly always thought that she is the coolest chick that I've ever met. We seem to have a lot in common, and while I think she might think that she was only in my life for a while because she was always around Tom, the truth is that I admired her from the start. She's a good soul, a bit of a partier (at times, *cough* *cough*), and pretty thoughtful from my experiences. She was one of those people that affected you in a way that she'd never know unless you tell her. Maybe our words weren't at a high count when we hung out all the time back in the day Jo, but believe me I'm glad that you're back in my lime light, if only through an internet window and email from time to time. The other shout out goes to Karen Peterson. Karen is a very empathetic, kind soul that is understanding of any problem that you have, no matter how miniscule it seems to you when you look back on it. She listened to my skin-deep problems over and over. There were many times when I felt like she and her boyfriend (now husband) Mark could relate to me when there weren't others around that were mature enough to handle it. Karen, I was proud to be a part of your wedding, and I hope you are as happy today as you were pretty that day. I appreciate you guys, and though it's not much, here's a blogs away to you both. These two girls really never got to know me on a deep level. Honestly, most people are unaware of my past horrors. I don't really get into the real problems behind my frowns. Some people thought that I was struggling with the job search, school, and personal affairs of the heart back when I spent my time with these two. What they didn't know was that the father figure in my life (other than my dad but who raised me just as much, my grandfather) passed away that year, and I had a very difficult, well tumultuous honestly, time getting over that. I was a miserable human being for a while there, even though most people didn't know it. I keep most really important things like that to myself. Almost every friend that I have, except for one I think, have no idea about my childhood or things like that. I just let out hot air to cover the things that are really bothering me. I'm just weird like that. Well, I've not got a lot of news. I might go to the UT-BAMA game this weekend with Daniel. I am gonna go to the BTE concert on Thursday as well. School has calmed down a little since the midterm hell. It's gonna get busy again next week though. It's gonna be absolute hell. Oh, well, I kinda did hit on this chick tonight. It was funny. She parallel parked next to Brad who had pulled me from my group meeting to give me some canned veggies he had brought from home (that I just realized I have to go get from my car, ha ha, typical dj) and anyway, I got out of the way from Brad's trunk just in case. So she pulls in and we started chatting. I left a cute little note on her windshield. Don't remember what it said, but I remember it was clever and Brad laughed. Kinda fun. I don't get to do that often 'cause I'm so busy. That's about all that happened today worth telling. That was barely worth it, but what can I say? I'm just bored to tears with work these days. Somebody just needs to tell me 'dry your eyes mate'.

3 AM

2004-10-17T05:00:00.000-05:00

I see that hour a lot more now than I used to, I'll tell you that much. This weekend has been pretty good. I got to hang out with Zack after he got back from California. He asked me to pick him up from the airport on Thursday, and told me that he wanted to stay down for the homecoming festivities. I agreed. Partly because I don't really have the money to go home this weekend, and then turn around and go to the UT game with Michael Finley and Daniel next weekend. Also, partly because of a run-in that I had with my neighbor. Kim is a bit of a mystery to me quite honestly. I think I kinda like her, but I know that I'm way too busy to commit myself to anyone very seriously. I just don't have the time. After Marina, I've felt that way a bit. Every time that I've been on the verge of asking Kim out, with one exception, something has came up where I didn't make firm advances. I brought her some flowers a week or more ago, and she didn't answer the door. So, I just said to myself, 'well, she's not interested, so forget it'. Then, she sees me and thanks me for the flowers and says she was in her pjs and didn't wanna come to the door, and offered me her number. I didn't take it though. I just told her that I would see her around this weekend. Well, Zack has been in town, and she's had company too. I just don't know if it's worth pursuing. So, there's the latest on that stuff. We beat the crap out of Southern Piss. Our defense is probably the best in the SEC, if not the country. The problem though you see, is that we have no passing game. What will good teams with smart coaches (like LSU for example) do? Stack the line and make us pass. When that happens, our coaching staff will finally see that Spencer Pennington sucks a big bucket of donkey ass nuggets. Then they'll put in Marc Guillon who is getting no reps, and what do you honestly expect will happen then? I really, really, really don't like our coach I'm afraid to say. He pulls another several dumb moves where he runs like 4 or 5 straight plays, gets into 3rd and long and RUNS again. Then he gets third and short and goes for a 30 yard pass that is picked off. (see previous statement regarding the donkey ass nuggets) Well, I'm going to bed now, so peace out. It's 3 AM, and I must be lonely.

Vindicated

2004-10-11T05:49:00.000-05:00

That song fits the early morning. I have slept two hours in the last (shy be two hours) four days. I am going to turn in my project in MIS this afternoon, and I just went and got it bound. It's the friggin' thickest thing I have ever seen. J R Tolkien would be proud of how thick that thing is! I'm deliriously tired, but I am very proud of all of the work that I have done for this project. I am in need of a shower which I'm about to take, but I have really worked harder on this than I have anything else before in any moment of my life. I'm just speechless. I just really wanted to get a post in concerning my project. As of right now, it's in the early stages as if it will get carried out by the MIS Capstone seniors, the ones about to graduate. I'm really pumped about it though. I made it happen with my teammates. All of us came up with a company, sales proposals, and the whole lot and something real could very well come out of it and affect everyone that reads this. It's just cool stuff. I'm gonna try to catch my 5 hours of sleep real quick now though. All those years of waiting to get to this moment and accomplish something, and finally I'm vindicated.

(If you like, you should check it out at http://www.bama.ua.edu/~griff055
it's amazing that it could really happen for us in the department, and definitely see the powerpoint slides that took all my time and work. That, and keep in mind that there were 250 other pages of research appended as a repository in the project, so that's not all of it, but still something I'm proud of)

A Reflection: Forever Begins Right Now

2004-10-03T22:24:00.000-05:00

I wrote an entry in my online journal a while back that had a particular meaning in my life that I thought I'd share. I think it was one of my best entries as to how it relates to how I feel, which I don't really let out much. Not the 'I hate Tennessee' (which is quite real, but not exactly a matter of the heart, I keep UT as far away from that as possible) or joking stuff, but the sincere stuff...

Forever Begins Right Now (A song by the artist "Lit")
A good old Lit Title, but unlike the artist this entry has a serious theme.
Three years ago, I sat down and had a long hard look at myself and what I was going to do in this world. I had gone from a useless international relations degree to restaurant work, and I had nothing to show that I was making any progress whatsoever. So, I had a choice. I could either enter the University of Alabama directly, earn a MIS degree, and keep a constant struggle of GPA life support, or I could attempt to go through a very long difficult process that is a program the uni provides to those who are serious about starting fresh for people that genuinely wish to move on to a top graduate school. I guess it's also for those who have hopelessly lost all chances of graduation because their grades would never allow them to do so, but I wasn't in that category. I could have gone through it and still come out and I would have been able to go to graduate school and accelerated my graduation day, but I wouldn't have been able to attain what I want. So, I waited... and waited. In the meanwhile, I went to a po dunk community college taking whatever classes that I hadn't covered in int'l relations that were required understudy for my degree. It took six semesters, an appeal that was submitted to a committee of the highest sort, and a great many other things that I won't go into. Not the least of the things I had to endure was the constant questioning of those that knew me as to when I would get out. That's all anybody ever really cares about. When will you get out... it's because they haven't ever been through it, and sadly most of the time it really doesn't interest them. So I have a quote for all those that have posed the same question to me for so long.
"Slow but steady wins the race" said the tortoise to the hare.
Today, I will set foot on campus again for the first time in three years, and the finish line is in my sight. After that of course, my aim is to get an MBA from a top ten ranked program in the United States. I am really happy that I have clawed my way back in order to do something tremendous with my life. So many, well almost all to be honest, of my friends have desires that are far below the bar that I have set for myself. I'm not saying that in a bad way. Whatever makes you happy is fine by me, but I have it within me to do something truly great in this life. I will meet my just end. Through all of this, I have learned that I truly do love the world of academia. It makes you grow as a person. It makes you less narrow minded. It wards you away from being the person that you always wanted not to become, and it spurs growth in a deeper way than most can understand unless they experience it for themselves. So, this is to the last great adventure of my undergraduate career. I will not rest until it is done. So here's one last quote for you, from a movie that just popped into my head that explains exactly where I am right now in this life...
"Winners forget they're in a race. They just love to run."

What It Is To Burn (Beliefs and Stuff)

2004-10-03T22:17:00.000-05:00

Just ask Mike Shula, not Finch. His seat is hotter than the magma seeping up through Mount St. Helens right now. I can relate to the poor guy. I got a C on my computer science exam. It was one of the best scores on the exam, though. Lots of people scored 40, and quite a few in the teens. Sucks to be them, but at the same time, I'm not a C student. The department will probably curve it, but really why will anyone need to know the distance formula for anything practical. (in other words related to MIS or CS?) I mean, unless you're coding a mathematical piece of software, (and how many people do that?!) then it's particularly useless. Oh well. I didn't go to the game this weekend, and thank God for that. Once again I didn't have anyone to go with, and I had lots of work to do on my MIS project. I think my team is going to NUKE that project. The graders seemed impressed with our progress at our meeting tonight. So, my mom and sister call me up tonight during the meeting, and I sorta answered the phone when my mom rang instead of hitting the old faithful 'c' button to get the voice mail to pick up. I called her back, and she was like, 'I thought I heard you going through a class or something'. So, I explained that my major isn't exactly like other majors. I've tried explaining it to people, but for one reason or another they just don't buy it. This major truly seperates the ones that want it from the ones that don't. I have meetings around the clock for one project or the other, and it baffles her that I would be at school from 3 in the afternoon and be there for about 7 hours on a Sunday. It baffles me sometimes as to why I do it, but I have the drive to finish this friggin' thing. I am highly motivated these days though, and I like that. So, funny story... I got to totally piss off another Christian the other day. He proceeds to tell me what a sinner I am (as if I need to be reminded of that fact) and the whole shebang. Well, I happen to know this dude pretty well, and he's gotten head more times than one can count. Because, to him, oral sex isn't sex. First of all, that's called a 'Bill Clinton copout' by yours truly. I mean, come on dude... if Adam and Eve who had just partaken of the fruit of "The Knowledge Of Good And Evil" ie. knowing right from wrong, and they realized that being nude in front of each other wasn't cool in God's eyes... You see where I'm going. So did he. He's just a lot like every other one of them that I meet. He tailors his beliefs to suit his lifestyle, and then proceeds to judge other people. One thing to say, dude get a life and Read Romans chapter 2. They hate it when someone actually knows what's written and can stand up for themselves. They really despise that they can't control you with their idiology. He he. I just had to go off on that little tangent. I have unique beliefs and stances on issues. That's a real problem for a lot of people. It has to be either black or white with most humans. It's not ok just to say "I don't know" or else you get called the nasty "agnostic" term. Life is boiling down to what's important. I'm reaching the age where life should start heading down the road where it was meant to go all along. Honestly, I haven't come across that many people that I'm compatible with, and that might have a lot to do with where I am geographically. It might just be that I have to wait for the right person to ask at the right time in the right place. Kinda like a lot of other things in life, I don't know. Wait, am I allowed to give that opinion? Oh well, I'd much rather give that answer than to have to listen to another person preach to me what it is to burn.

Valuable Memories to Start

2004-10-01T15:48:00.000-05:00

Oasis, good stuff. Why did I choose that song? Not because of any person in particular, but memories... I'll get to that in a second. I pulled an all nighter the night before last, and it was the first in a long time. I worked on my MIS project, and my teammates were impressed. I'm not particularly impressed with them at the moment though. They seem more worried about the color scheme than the actual work, which bugs me. I think they got the message yesterday when I showed them all of the work that I put into the project. I think they finally opened their eyes and thought to themselves, 'whoa, i need to get shit done'. I hope that's what they felt anyway. I've been crazy busy, and thank God for that. Other than school work, I don't have anything happening in my life right now. That's sad, but it's just the truth. I'm not really putting myself out there to be honest, and a lot of it is time that I just don't have. I haven't seen the inside of my apartment during conciousness in I don't know how long. I'm kinda lonely, and for someone that makes friends pretty easily that's a hard thing to swallow. Oh well, my MIS and CS projects will keep me company. So, back to the memories. I got to reflecting back on the times in my life that I look back on, and I just don't want them to go away. Things that will stick with me and echo through eternity. There aren't many of those kinds of moments. I don't even mean the kind that you are just having fun, either. I mean the memories that actually had real value and are meaningful to you, be them fun or not. I haven't really tried to put them down in a list or anything, but here are a few that I thought would be nice to write down... 1. Magda told me she loved me: She is to this day the only woman to ever say it and mean it in a romantic way. She wound up not sticking to the commitment, but at the time she really meant it. It is the only time in my life that I really experienced a mutual love. I've had other girls in my life, but nothing where I thought it would actually go anywhere. 2. My time in Switzerland: It was the great adventure of my life. I found out that there is nothing like going to a place where you are totally lost and helpless. I'm a linguist, but I don't speak German. Lots of people there speak English, but you still learn more about yourself when you're helpless than at any other time. It cuts you from groin to sternum, and shows you what you're made of, and I liked myself. That was a turning point in my life. My grandfather had passed away earlier that year, and I was near suicidal for months as he was a father figure in my life. I took that trip in need of finding something special, and I found it. I found myself. Everything changed after that experience, and I haven't looked back since. 3. My first A back: I went through a program at uni to get myself in order, and to be eligible for a good grad school. I went through a lot of crap classes at a community college, but the first of which was a Math class that I needed to get out of the way. I was never particularly interested or gifted at mathematics. I was always a much better communicator and writer than anything else. I took that class, and one which had prior terror in my life. It was my Everest. I got my test back, and I made a 98. I swear to you that I have never been more proud of myself than at that moment. I was almost in tears. I became a better student because of it, and I found that I was good at math after all. I had just never put in enough effort towards it. In fact, I found out later that I was one of the best in my school at it. It was a moment that showed me who I am, not who I used to be. 4. Ryo's departure: I stayed up all night the night before Ryo left to go back to Japan. I made a photo album of all of the memories we held as roommates and fellow students at the university. I handed it to him in the morning, and he left as quickly as he could so that it would be easier on the both of us. I think it was just as hard for him as it was for me. When he left the apartment was empty, and I felt like a hole was thrown right into the very center of my being. It was the second worst goodbye I've ever had to endure. 5. Zack's arrival: Nothing quite comforts you more than the return of an old friend. I had talked to Zack for a long time about coming down to UA, and he had done so the year before. I was overwhelmed and blessed to have my lifelong friend to take Ryo's place. There is nothing like staying up until God knows what hour just talking about life, playing football on the computer all night, and keeping company of a great friend who holds your values. Oh, and a couple of pbj and doritos sandwiches sloshed down with some toilet bowl. Well, I didn't mean to put them in chronological order, but it turned out that way. Those are moments I hang onto sometimes. Those are the kind that fills life up with meaning. It has everything in it that matters. Love that later turns to heartbreak, a turning point and self realization cojoined with confidence, a real accomplishment that only has real value to yourself, a parting, and a reunion. I have been lucky. I've had a good life. I just hope that I have lots of more moments like these, and that they don't go away, kinda like Oasis.